COM Newsletter - January 2024
WHAT IS TRUTH?
I once worked for a church that was open and inclusive. I loved the people I worked with and enjoyed being a part of the successes of the organization. When they first interviewed me, I was not sure how to feel about being a part of the leadership of an organization whose beliefs were so different than mine. I prayed and asked God to please not allow the job to come through if it was not His will. It went through like butter. I can remember talking with my “boss to be” and telling him, “You do know I am a Seventh- day Adventist, right?”. Just wanted to give him a chance to resend the offer. When he did not pause, I once again said, “I want to make sure you understand I am a hard core Seventh-day Adventist”. He was good with that too. This was the beginning of my getting to know many good Christian people whom I grew to love and care for. We worked together the next seven years.
I began to see that there were many different beliefs among the people who were part of the organization. In fact, they all seemed quite comfortable in what they each believed to be true. One of the beliefs was that there were many paths to the Divine. Another belief was that the Bible was a wonderful book, but not to be taken literally. Their thought was, how could it be literal when you have a story like Jonah? Much was taught on the Bible from that viewpoint. They were OK with having different beliefs from one another. Do you see any problem with this?
Psychology Today published an article entitled, “Why People Believe Things That Aren’t True?”. The article pointed out that we all harbor false beliefs. For example, how many of you believe the following statements:
We only use 10 percent of our brains.
We lose most of our body heat through our heads.
If you swallow chewing gum, it will stay in your system for seven years.
Cracking your knuckles will give you arthritis.
If you answered “true” to any of these, you are guilty of believing falsehoods. Yes, I did research to confirm this. You can even find Doctors who endorse some of these and publish them in medical journals.
So why do we believe things that are not so? The study noted three areas, with the first being the most common:
Availability Heuristic - people routinely use mental shortcuts to understand what happens around them. For example, is it more dangerous to be a fisherman or a police officer? If you guessed police officer, you are wrong. You would have just taken a mental shortcut that led you to overestimate the frequency of an event.
Emotional Reasoning – we draw conclusions with our emotions.
Confirmation Bias – once we establish a belief in something, we tend to cling to it even when it’s untrue.
Confirmation Bias is an important one to unpack. This will lead us to surround ourselves with messages that confirm our pre-existing opinions. We then ignore or minimize messages that disprove our beliefs. To protect ourselves from having to change our beliefs, we will determine that the organization, individual, or written literature are biased or corrupt. This will also set us on a path to prove a falsehood by any means necessary and can lead to “fake news and other falsehoods”.
I do believe that God created us and that we value truth, yet only God can give us truth. Human beings are flawed and none of us are a perfect barometer of truth, despite our best intentions. So, if you do not want to believe a lie, you will need to go to the only source of truth. If we read our Bibles, compare verses to make sure our conclusions are correct, and pray for the Holy Spirit to teach us the precious truths, we will find it.
If you do not believe the Bible is literal and that we as humans have no ability to understand truth without the inspiration of the Holy Spirit through prayer and reading of the Word, you will be left with believing flawed human beings. Then, you have to ask yourself, how important is truth?
My daughter was married to a Seventh-day Adventist who turned atheist. Beside the many emotions I experienced, I found this fact alone to be disturbing. If you decide there is no God and you are wrong, what could the consequences be? I think I would really want to know that this was true. Sadly, many do not feel a need to confirm whether it is true or not. It was an emotional decision with a confirmation bias that holds him there, and it started with an availability heuristic when someone told him something that “made sense” to him.
Before I conclude, I will bring this closer home. I am the Vice Chair of ‘Coming Out’ Ministries and recently I read an article that said many things about the ministry that just were not true. It seemed they would say anything as a part of “confirmation bias”. They had to hold onto what they believed to be true, whether it was or not. One of the things said was that all our leadership had come out of the LGBTQ lifestyle. The truth is that over half of our leadership has never been in the lifestyle. So, I realized they were not trying to be truthful, they were merely trying to protect their belief and would say whatever they felt would successfully do that.
I volunteer for ‘Coming Out’ Ministries because I feel we represent true freedom, the power of choice. We can all be free from the sin we are born with, and God is our Savior and will set us free. God through His Word tells us this. God says in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”. There are many verses in the Bible that tell us that even though we are all born sinful (yes, we are all born sinful), there is freedom through our Savior Jesus Christ. This is the message of the Bible and of ‘Coming Out’ Ministries.
God speaks through the Bible. Pray for the Holy Spirit, read His Word and you will find truth. You have a choice, and you have Divine power reaching out His hand. I hope you take it.
A NEW HOME FOR
‘COMING OUT’ MINISTRIES
PROJECT UPDATE
Q&A
Question: What must I do to have assurance of true and complete victory over homosexuality?
Reply: This question reflects the cry of many a soul sin-sick and desperate for relief from the power of sin, its guilt, and its shame. In my own personal devotion this morning, I was reading in Romans 12 and was particularly struck by the impact of the first two verses:
“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
The commentary on this text in my Bible is profound. Let me share it with you:
Man, fallen man [even the homosexual] may be transformed by the renewing of the mind, so that he can "prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." How does he prove this? By the Holy Spirit taking possession of his mind, spirit, heart, and character.
Where does the proving come in? "We are made a spectacle unto the world, and to angels, and to men." A real work is wrought by the Holy Spirit upon the human character, and its fruits are seen.
Just as a good tree will bear good fruit, so will the tree that is actually planted in the Lord's garden produce good fruit unto eternal life. Besetting sins [such as homosexuality] are overcome; evil thoughts [such as fantasizing and lusting] are not allowed in the mind; evil habits [homosexual behavior and activities] are purged from the soul temple. The [homosexual] tendencies, which have been biased in a wrong direction, are turned in a right direction. Wrong dispositions and feelings are changed, new principles of action supplied, and there is a new standard of character. Holy tempers and sanctified emotions are now the fruit borne upon the Christian tree. An entire transformation has taken place. This is the work to be wrought.
We see by experience that in our own human strength, resolutions and purposes are of no avail. Must we, then, give up our determined efforts? No; although our experience testifies that we cannot possibly do this work ourselves, help has been laid upon One who is mighty to do it for us. But the only way we can secure the help of God is to put ourselves wholly in His hands, and trust Him to work for us. As we lay hold of Him by faith, He does the work. The believer can only trust. As God works, we can work, trusting in Him and doing His will. (Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary Vol. 6, 1080)
What more can I say?
Blessed assurance to you!
Victor
Q&A text taken from:
Author: “Victor J. Adamson”
(Ron Woolsey)
TESTIMONY OF GOD’S
RELENTLESS AND
SATISFYING LOVE
I remember feeling unwelcome as the youngest and only girl of five children. I was named by and after my father, who wanted a fifth boy—that is how I got the name Toni.
My dad threw many parties at our house, so people constantly came and went. This activity resulted in me being sexually abused multiple times at an early age.
I viewed femininity as a weakness and felt like a target for sexual abuse. Men seemed to have all the power, and I didn’t like being vulnerable. On the other hand, my brothers seemed stronger, happier, and able to protect themselves. I wanted to be just like them.
I did not feel safe as a female and wanted to hide from being desired by men. I became so deeply depressed that I tried to take my life by overdosing. It didn’t work, and the depression didn’t go away. I was desperate to be held, loved and cherished, not to be abused and discarded like trash. I hated being a girl!
My loving great-grandmother’s voice would echo in my thoughts, even though I did not see her often because she lived so far away. She consistently told me that “Jesus loves me” whenever I visited her. Although I didn't know much about God back then, those words comforted me during difficult times.
I left home as quickly as I could. Conflicted about my identity and trying to please everyone, I got married, joined a church, and got pregnant with my son. Even though I tried everything I knew to make it work, I still felt unsafe with my husband because he was a man. I struggled immensely with Major Depressive Disorder, anxiety, and PTSD with constant triggers from unresolved childhood abuse.
My husband’s touch and glances reminded me of the men who abused me. His behaviors and actions were loving, caring, and healthy, but my brain was in a constant fight-or-flight mode. Anxiety and fear were my constant companions.
It was challenging to raise my son and deal with feeling empty and hopeless. I craved acceptance and affection from both of my parents - especially my mom. I realized that I struggled with being emotionally available to my son, just like my mother had struggled toward me. I would imagine my mom being affectionate with me, but I knew she was still closed off emotionally. So, I started having fantasies of being emotionally and physically intimate with women.
I was needy and felt like I could never get enough affection. The devil came with the suggestion that, if I were to live with a woman like how I lived with my husband all these years, I would get all the “safe” love and affection I wanted. My heart leaped in excitement! I decided to leave my husband and son and ran into the gay culture. I expected to leave the feelings of neglect, being unseen and unheard behind and instead experience love, safety, and acceptance. Knowing that comfort from a person wouldn’t heal the sexual trauma and emotional neglect I suffered, I decided I would eventually still take my life, but not before I experienced living with a woman.
I divorced my husband and married a woman. Finally, I felt more in control of my circumstances. I still didn’t think anyone had the capacity or desire to understand the depths of my pain. I also knew God would disapprove of my new lifestyle choices and potentially use my Christian friends to confront me on them. I still felt unsafe, but dressing as a man offered me the protection that I longed for all my life. The temptation to get a man’s haircut, tattoos, and dress more masculine eventually overwhelmed me, and I gave in. I bought male clothing to feel “transformed” by the confidence and safety of living outwardly like a man.
My son confronted me about the changes in my appearance. I responded, “I’m not dressing like a man; I’m just dressing ‘comfortably.’” “ C’mon mom,” he said. “I can tell you want to be a man.” At that moment, I knew my response was a failure; even my son knew the truth! His compassion and love were never without question, and it broke my heart to disappoint him. It bothered me that I was confusing him with my delusion. Suddenly, I became aware that I was only deceiving myself.
I had a hard time accepting who God created me to be. He spoke clearly through my son, and I felt convicted about my appearance. It was as if God Himself were saying, "I see you, I love you and I will protect you.” Feeling comfortable with my femininity was a process, but in that moment, I had an indescribable desire for women’s clothing like never before! God started reminding me of His promises, laws, and abilities— how I could trust Him and how He still cared for me. He won me over with His relentless compassion and loving-kindness. I was so amazed that I wasn’t far from His love and mercy amid my sins. As I claimed Christ’s forgiveness, I found it easier to forgive my parents, brothers, and those who had abused me. What a relief to let go of all that pain!
I invited God to close the door to my relationship with my ex-partner because I knew I couldn’t do it on my own—and He did it. We separated within two weeks, and our divorce was final in two months!
I was excited to leave the lesbian life behind, but I was terrified to be alone. As I tried and tested Jesus, I realized I could trust Him more and more; He started addressing my pain at a gentle pace that I could handle. I wasn’t free of making mistakes, but I still cooperated with Him one step at a time. His understanding of all my choices drew me in further. He never condemned me; He only wanted to heal and love me!
God affirmed that He not only loves other people, but He loves me too, even when I was a lesbian and hopelessly walked away from Him and my family! As I fell in love with and gave Him my heart, I followed His lead to begin my healing journey. There were many things from my childhood trauma that needed addressing, and He would bring truth to shut down every lie I believed. He also revealed how He was with me and provided for me through the traumatic experiences, like when He offered His gentle and reassuring love for me through my great-grandmother.
I realized that the One who created me ultimately knows how to satisfy me even more than I do! I also realized that I was genuinely seeking HIS love, acceptance, and safety the whole time. The God of the universe wanted to not only deliver me from bondage and addictions, but also shower me with His presence, love, and compassion! It wasn’t initially easy to let Him into my heart, but it was life-changing when I did! The more I understood who He made me to be, the more courageous I felt being single. Being close to Him set me free from dependence on people to complete me because I am already complete in Him. Many verses confirming my identity in Him moved from mere head knowledge into my heart, including “He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps.” Psalm 40:2
Working out my inner healing journey with God, I can now see the beauty and blessing in my painful life experiences. He is helping me to actively witness and understand many core truths about my life and how they are integral to His plan. The greatest among these core truths is the reason why I was born female within my particular family dynamic and why I gave birth to my son. My family trauma led me to seek God for myself. He then used my son, a male who I love and trust, to show His unconditional love for me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have felt comfortable trusting or desiring to get close to God.
After experiencing numerous breakthroughs and intimacy with God, I have brand new opportunities to lend an ear, console, and encourage others who have experienced trauma. It is a true blessing to have my pain transformed into purpose!
God continues to bring healing and restoration into my life. Each day He helps me walk out the calling He put on my life from the beginning: the gift of encouraging others. I pray to continue cooperating with Him as He genuinely loves me and can be trusted.
Toni
A NEW HOME FOR
‘COMING OUT’ MINISTRIES
PROJECT UPDATE
Please consider making a donation to our ministry to help spread the message of God’s love and redemption! Kindly visit our website www.comingoutministries.org and select the Donate button,
or you can send a check or money order directly to
‘Coming Out’ Ministries at PO Box 107, Tilly, AR 72679.
May God bless you for your support!