CTM Newsletter - September 2024
INSPIRATIONAL EXPERIENCE IN BRAZIL
Kirsten and I had the opportunity to go on a mission trip to Brazil at the end of August. The week before we were flying to Sao Paulo we saw news headlines reporting 62 lives were lost in a plane crash headed to that city. Despite the unfortunate news, we decided to embark on the journey. The Greater New York Conference was offering vacation bible school classes, medical clinic services and mental health programming to the community. To our surprise God opened the door for the group to be in a public elementary school where the VBS, medical clinic and mental health office would be located. Kirsten and I were filled with joy to serve children and adults through this mission trip.
Before arriving in Brazil, we wondered how the mental health clinic would be run since that was our area of interest. We were informed by the pastor we would have to be in charge of the mental health clinic due to unforeseen circumstances with the psychologist who was supposed to be leading the mental health program. Kirsten and I felt the call to fulfill our roles as previous social work therapists to serve the people of the local community. We learned from the principal that it was common for the students in the area to experience severe family abuse and neglect. Kirsten provided the school with a social, emotional learning presentation on bullying and empathy. In addition, we improvised the mental health clinic by creating a program to accommodate the needs of the people using previous knowledge and experience The Lord has allowed us to obtain.
We were most elated to give practical support to those suffering from emotional and psychological pain by sharing how God cares for their well-being. Kirsten and I prayed before and after sessions and had a chance to minister in a more direct way as bible-believing clinicians than we had been able to do in the professional setting. God brought to us a young woman who shared she had been struggling to connect emotionally and attach to her father. She disclosed being sexually abused by a man from the age to 8 to 13. We provided encouragement and shared information on how trauma can affect the brain’s ability to experience safety and connection. The young woman also shared she was part of the local SDA evangelism school of music where she felt such peace in that environment.
The pastor asked me to give a 15-minute segment on mental health every evening before the sermon. I was prayerful and intentional in asking God what He wanted me to share. The Lord had put it on my heart to discuss the connection our minds have to our bodies and spirituality. To my surprise the young woman attended one of the evening meetings and I could tell she and others were empowered to hear more of a Christ-centered approach to navigating mental health issues. My heart was filled to serve in this capacity as I emphasized God’s principles for healing based off of Scripture.
As we all face different challenges in this life. May we learn to have the mind of Christ (Philippians 2:5). If we think of Jesus’ life for a moment He didn’t experience just one traumatic event during His time on Earth. His whole life was full of suffering. The prophet Isaiah told of His suffering hundreds of years before His birth (Isaiah 53:3-5). He was born into unimaginable poverty in a country occupied by a cruel army (Luke 2:1-7). He narrowly escaped a mass slaughtering of children that was ordered because of His birth (Matthew 2:16). He was mentally attacked by Satan (Matthew 4:1-11), persecuted because of His teachings (Luke 4:28-29), thought insane by His family (Mark 3:21), betrayed by His own disciple (Mark 14:43-45), deserted by His friends (Mark 14:50), falsely arrested (Mark 14:56-59), publicly humiliated (Mark 15:16-20 and Luke 23:8-12) beaten to the point of death (Matthew 27:26), and then slowly and painfully publicly executed by crucifixion as a common criminal (Matthew 27:33-39).
Jesus, our Example. He convinced me to refer the people of Brazil to Him as their sure Counselor and Healer. Many are not able to obtain clinical services for mental health due to lack of resources and other barriers. Yet, through the aid of the Holy Spirit God holds the key to ultimate transformation and comfort. The experience we had while serving the people of Brazil was an opportunity given to us to comfort and encourage those with the same Spirit of Love that Jesus has cared for us in. Let us look to Jesus as we face life’s disappointments and afflictions. May we trust our sympathizing Father and Friend who promises to work ALL things for the good to those who love Him (Romans 8:28).
CTL4 INVITATION
Q&A
Question: How do I, or should I, come out to my fellow believers as an exgay who has been born-again and recently rebaptized because I believed God wanted my love for Him (and also for my wife of 30 years), to be a witness to all sinners, gay or straight, that God can “change that kind”? Someday, if He wills, all sinners here where I live (with the help of the Holy Spirit) can hear how God can heal and cleanse one such as I, once and completely for all time.
Reply: Thanks for your question. It is a good one, but somewhat difficult for me to answer.
I have been sharing my testimony now for a number of years. But even though I have published my story with details and have a website, which specifically addresses the issue of my past, until recently in my public appearances and testimony I only spoke of my life as one of self-destruction and degradation. In this way people knew that I had been saved from something really bad, but I avoided offending people with the specifics that may make them uncomfortable or turned off to the testimony, which really is about what God has done in my life, not what Satan did all those years.
It was nine years after leaving the gay lifestyle that I was finally called to write my book and start sharing openly my testimony, which, as I said, I still do with great discretion. The Lord saw fit to hold me back until I had years of victory so that I would be a credible witness when called upon to be more open. Up to that point I shared my testimony everywhere I went, but still referring to self-destruction and degradation, not homosexuality. If people knew about, or found out about, the gay issue in my past, they would have to admit that I had been honest in my testimony, because gay fits within the parameters of self-destruction and degradation.
Does that make sense? When sharing with others about Christ in your life, be quick to admit that your past was really bad, but don’t be so quick to share details. Spend your time sharing the power of Christ who is mighty to save, the whosoevers from whatsoever, even to the uttermost, you being a prime example. In this way, your testimony can be a blessing not only to people who are struggling with the gay issue, but those dealing with other major sin issues as well.
The Holy Spirit seems to make it very clear to me when I am to share the nature of my life of self-destruction and degradation. Usually it is with someone privately. And always it has then been made clear that my revelation was exactly what that person needed at that time. By sharing privately under the leading of the Holy Spirit, the other person was not embarrassed, but rather greatly impressed that the Lord had spoken directly to him or her about their need of Christ, or about His power to help their loved one or friend for whom they were concerned.
As you stay really close to Jesus, He will make the times and places for giving your testimony very clear to you. Don’t think it a denial of your witness to use the better part of discretion. On the other hand, don’t hesitate to share if under conviction. Psalm 107:2 says, “Let the redeemed of the LORD say so whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy.” But even then, it does not say that you need to share sordid details. You can share what the Lord has done without shining too much light on what Satan has done. You can talk about how He has brought new meaning into your marriage and made it a blessed relationship after years of stormy seas, for example, acknowledging that you were the cause of the unrest without going into detail.
Too often, people get up to share their testimonies and go on and on about the sin in their lives which tends to glorify the sin. Young people can come away from such a session thinking, “Wow! That man spent years in the fast lane, sowing his wild oats, getting it all out of his system, and then came back to the Lord before it was too late! He got to have his cake and eat it, too! Perhaps I have time to spend the years of my youth and my prime that way, too. Then I can come back to the Lord when I’m older, and after I've gotten all this stuff out of my system!”
Do you see how we can be a stumbling block to others, especially the young, if we are not very careful how we reveal the sins of our youth and the details of our testimonies?
I hope these thoughts will be of some help to you. Thank you for sharing with me.
Victor
P.S. As I have been called to do more and more public speaking over the past several years, I now state openly that homosexuality was the sin of my past. However, I still avoid going into detail, but rather focus upon the transforming power of God.
Q&A text taken from:
TESTIMONY
I had a misconstrued concept of God for many, many years. Judgmental, controlling, domineering, strict, selfish & irrational were all the things I use to believe were the true character of God. It was hard for me to believe that he was anything other than this unfair judge looking down on me, anticipating the day that he would finally punish me for all my “sins”. I lived 26 years of my life with this ideology of God, going against everything I was taught to be “Christ-like”. Intriguingly enough, I’m now on the opposite side of the field, playing on his team! During off seasons I’m a passionate fan, enjoying every minute of our quality time together! So how did I go from avoiding him to enjoying his presence? Ignoring him to talking to him daily? Hating him to loving him? Judging him to understanding him? Here’s my story.
I was born in Limon, Costa Rica. I was the first born of two high school teenagers who had too much fun together. My mom was a Seventh Day Adventist who introduced my dad to God, who then later introduced my younger brother and I to him at a very young age. At the age of 4 my family and I moved to Boston Ma. Those early years of my life were a blur. We basically moved from home, to home until my parents were able to get on their feet and move us into our very own apartment. Sleeping on floors and not seeing either parent until bed time was the norm for my little brother and I. Our older cousins would feed us, get us ready and walk us to and from school during the weeks.
My parents worked double shifts until they were finally able to get us into an apartment of our own. It was exciting until my parents decided to separate. So, my mom, grandma, brother and I lived together while my dad would come visit on the weekends to take us to church. Church for the most part was boring to me. We would go sing, read, listen, stand up, sit down, pray and repeat for extended amounts of hours and it was rough. Well, at least in my little brain.
That was pretty much how my life went until something peculiar happened that stuck with me for the rest of my life. I’m in 4th grade of elementary school, around the age of 8 or 9. Mrs. D would occasionally bring her 17-year-old son and daughter to class with her. All the girls in class were instantly attracted to her son, while I on the other hand was mesmerized by her daughter. I couldn’t resist the urge to admire her beauty. But at the time, at such a young age, I didn’t know what any of that was or meant. I just instantly new that I was different.
Fast forward, I’m now 11 years old. My parents took the time to resolve their differences, packed us up and moved us to Gwinnet GA, to start our lives over, once again. As I grew into my pre-teen / adolescent years, my same sex attractions became stronger and stronger and my parents became stricter and stricter with religion. I’m pretty sure they connected the dots and made sense of what was happening before I could fully understand because the rules in the household became sterner with every move I made. We attended church not only on Saturdays, but also on Wednesdays and Friday evenings if service was scheduled. Every morning and evening we would have our family worship. We weren’t allowed to listen to secular music. We had to dress modestly, we were vegan as per my parents’ decision, sleepovers and going to the movies were out of the question and we were only allowed to hang around certain kids that were pre-approved by my parents. Can I tell you a secret? My parents were so scared about my soul being tainted by other peoples “bad influence” around me that my mom kept repeating to me on a daily 128,758,494,857,845 times a day “By beholding we become changed, by beholding we become changed, by beholding we become changed.” I’d secretly roll my eyes and mumble it every time she would have me repeat it. But honestly, I’d think to myself that I was the bad influence.
I had a best friend that I love dearly to this day. We spent the majority of our time together but my parents made the decision to withdraw me from the church choir because she was also a member of the choir. I wasn’t allowed to see or speak to her under any circumstances. Shortly after, my social life was abruptly put to death when they decided to homeschool my brother and I. “Being homeschooled as an 8th grader was the worst thing that could ever happen to me”, were my exact thoughts. Every morning id look out the window and watch the neighborhood kids ride away to school on the yellow school bus that I so greatly desired to be on with them. Life during that year just felt like a jail to me. Some would say I’m being dramatic but this is actually how I felt. However, little did they know that their attempts to keep me sheltered and far from my best friend were to no avail because I found a perfect way to “escape” came nightfall. Every night, I’d wait till midnight, the hour that my parents were in stage 5 of their sleep cycle. I’d use those late-night hours to either call my best friend or chat online with a woman that id started a long-distance relationship with. I was a 12-year-old girl at the time, but pretended to be a 26-year-old man.
I spent the majority of my teenage and young adult years hiding in my room, virtually involved with these women all over the world before I was outed and decided to live my truth and leave the church. I left the church because I thought I knew how God felt about homosexuals. I felt rejected by my family for who I was so I decided to quit on God. Since my family was very religious, I thought God felt the same way they did about me, disgusted, disappointed, embarrassed. So, I said a very enthusiastic farewell to my conservative upbringing and moved on to greater things, or so I thought.
Soon enough, I felt very comfortable taking on more of a masculine roll. It’s how I felt safe. Its where I felt most comfortable, but for some reason I was greatly offended when someone would confuse my gender or get my pronouns wrong. I was a serial monogamist, constantly seeking who to be in relationship with if I were ever to be single. I was partying and doing drugs, I was living the life I thought I’d always wanted and yearned for, from age 18 to 26, but when I had it, happiness still wasn’t a thing. I’d have moments of happiness, moments of pleasure, moments of fun and excitement but they only lasted as long as the party, trip or special event did. I had the freedom to do what and when I wanted. My parents weren’t shoving Jesus down my throat anymore but yet I was still unhappy.
With time my life suddenly became an overwhelming heap of unbearable sadness. Which, at the time was very difficult for me to comprehend, seeing that I had achieved everything I’d ever wanted int life. I’d been living on my own since the age of 18, my parents weren’t constantly preaching Jesus to me or making me follow and comply to “restrictive rules and regulations”, I had my own car, I was in a relationship with a very beautiful woman and I was a very young restaurateur as I had become a very successful and well-known vegan chef and business owner in Costa Rica. Life was great, I really didn’t have much to complain about. So, when this burdensome sadness unloaded itself on me, I was very perplexed. “Why are you sad Yaneesha?”, I repetitively asked myself, “What’s going on, why are we feeling this way?”. I was unable to answer my own question. Some time went by and the depression worsened. The pain went from just an emotional state to now physical. My chest literally hurt. Right where my heart is, it would hurt very much in addition to this unwavering overwhelming sadness. Crying consistently and daily was the norm for me during that time. What I didn’t know then was that Godly sorrow leads to repentance – 2 Corinthians 7:10. Although it didn’t seem like It, God was working to save my life before I’d even realize it.
As per my aunt’s suggestion, I decided to go to therapy. I was desperate for help and I wanted relief from this emotional, mental and physical pain. It was now unbearable. I had gotten to the point where I would contemplate death. “If I were dead,” I thought, “I wouldn’t feel this way anymore… my pain would go away”. I never attempted suicide, but I welcomed the thought of dying. “I will finally be able to rest in peace”, I thought.
My first therapy session was interesting. I was asked if I believed in God and my answer was yes. My therapist then explained that they were a non-denominational organization but they prayed for and with the patient because they believe that God is the one he restores and transforms lives. So, she wanted to know if I was okay with that. I consented. I was desperate for help. I had lived life my way and was now open to try their way. Meeting Jesus for myself is the highlight of my life. During one of those sessions, she prayed and asked God to show me his will for my life. In that very moment, God LITERALLY showed me a vision of what my life would be if I chose him. I wasn’t happy with what I saw, because it meant changing and losing everything, I had worked so hard to achieve. In spite of me not wanting to change, I decided to try his way because I was desperate for an antidote for my depression. I had two choices, Jesus or death. I chose Jesus.
The beautiful this is, he met me where I was, and showed me who he really is. He showed me that he would never leave me nor forsake me Deuteronomy 31:6. He showed me that he has loved me with everlasting love, therefore with lovingness he has drawn me. Jeremiah 31:3. He has shown me that nothing can separate me from the love of God Romans 8:31-39, that he wants me to be happy Jeremiah 29:11, and that he has a specific plan and purpose for my life Romans 8:28. God spoke to me on a personal level, defying all odds and erasing every preconceived erroneous thought I had about him. With his help I have chosen to live according to his will for my life, because I want what he wants for me. I can now say I have peace, love, and happiness. Galatians 5:22-23. I peace that only God was been able to supply, because with God and only with him, are all things are possible. Matthew 19:26.
This walk with Christ hasn’t been easy. It’s been almost 5 years since I met God for myself and 2 years since my baptism and public declaration of choosing Jesus over anything. The enemy has thrown so many things my way, but one thing that has allowed me to not let go of his hand is his grace and power (2 Corinthians 12:9,10) that has changed me, and the peace that passeth all understanding (Philippians 4:7) that he has gifted me with. Take the world, but give me Jesus is my anthem and forever will be, Amen.
Yaneesha Wanchope
CTM Associate Speaker
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